Dear Mother
by Pelbarigan
Summary: Jayne writes a letter to home while he broods about the addition of the new doctor. Vaguely JayneKaylee. PG for language.


Disclaimer: If it is in fact true that every possibility is played out in a parallel universe, then somewhere out there is a reality in which I do own Firefly and its characters. Unfortunately, this isn't it. Here, Firefly is the creation of the wonderful Joss Whedon. Damn.

_Dear Mother,_

Jayne sat back on his bunk and looked at the sheet of paper in his hand. He'd never been any gorram good at writing letters, and now that the easy part was out of the way, it would only get harder from here.

_I hope you're doing…_

He chewed absently on a thumbnail as he tried to find a fitting word.

_…well. _

Not flowery, but it worked as well as anything.

_I got the letter you sent. Nice to hear from you. Sorry, I didn't have time to write you back before now._

That wasn't strictly true; there was always time in transit from one world to another with not much to do. In the weeks before, Jayne had had plenty of opportunities to write home, but he'd always managed to put it off for one reason or another. Still, a good son didn't admit that when he hadn't returned his mother's letters for almost two months. And while Jayne had few illusions about the kind of man he was, he had always considered himself to be a good son.

_We've been real busy lately. Captain had us go out of our way this week to one of the border moons. We dropped off medicine and supplies and such, humanitarian type work._

That part was just a bald-faced lie. Usually he tried not to go much into the details of the work he did, but the more he'd thought about this particular story, the more he'd found he liked it. Of all the blatant deceptions he'd ever used on his mother, this one had a certain nobility to it.

Besides, it had been the captain's lie first; Jayne could hardly be blamed for simply passing it along. And it didn't take an idiot to see that any lie was a hell of a lot better than the truth. "Dear Mother, glad to get the chance to write you at all. Spent the week killing Feds, taking on fugitives and almost getting raped and cannibalized to death." A good son just didn't do that to the woman who'd birthed him into the world, spent her years raising him up. He loved her, respected her, and told her whatever she needed to hear to keep her from worrying. If there was anyone out there in the wide, cold 'Verse who deserved a man's dishonesty, it was his mother.

Jayne fidgeted with his pen for a moment while he read through his letter once to make sure it sounded alright. Satisfied, he considered what to say next. It seemed best to mention the new passengers now in case he accidentally forgot and wrote about them in a future letter. There was nothing terribly unusual with new people coming aboard, but to say nothing at all would have been odd. As long as he didn't mention the Fed and kept the details about the doctor and his sister vague, there couldn't be any hurt in it.

_We picked up some new folks on Persephone this week. So now we have a Shepard on board. I don't know what we need a Shepard for, but he seems to be alright. There's also some girl and a new medic. _

Jayne scowled.

_Not that we really need a medic either. _

Though Mal did. He'd naturally kept it to himself until he'd made his final decision. Then he'd called the crew together to tell them, very casually, as if it wasn't a big deal at all.

"I've done some thinking the past couple days." Mal started. He had his hands in his pockets, voice even and calm, almost disinterested. Jayne figured immediately that he looked too relaxed to be honest. "Shepard Book has asked to stay aboard with us for a bit, and whatever my feelings about religious types, he's a good man for tight spots."

Everyone nodded, though it was obvious Mal wasn't finished. The captain had something else to say, and he was just working up to it. Jayne had a sinking feeling he knew what that something was.

"Also been talking to the young doctor. Granted he and his sister have a past that's just a little too interesting for my tastes," he gave them a slight half-smile,"but then I figure we're in an interesting line of work. A bit of caution, nothing too much, and the trouble that's been following them doesn't need to find _Serenity_. Now, this might seem like an unnecessary risk, and I'm not saying it's final and forever. But it seems the best thing for the doctor and the girl, and whatever my feelings about him as a man, ship could use a competent medic for a change."

Mal finished, and it was settled then, simple as that. Zoe just nodded, like she'd known what Mal would say before he'd said it. Of course, that was probably because she already did. Inara didn't react, either because she usually didn't or because she knew it wasn't her place to speak out about ship matters. Wash looked surprised but didn't say much. Not that anything Wash said mattered much anyway. And Kaylee...damned if she hadn't smiled.

_Of course, you can't argue with people when they're set on a dumb decision. _

He shouldn't care. Jayne knew better, and besides, there was no reason to care. She wasn't his, and he didn't particularly want her to be his. She was the ship mechanic, and if he liked her, it was no more than people on the same boat typically liked each other. They got along, and sometimes she smiled at him, and when he told her dirty jokes, she laughed and told him he was terrible. She was pretty, and he noticed that too, but no more than a normal man noticed any pretty girl.

Zoe was pretty. A damn fine looking woman, actually, and Jayne made it a point to let her know. She allowed him because whatever her choice in husband, she was still woman enough to appreciate the interest of a real man. Wash sure didn't like it, but that just made it so much the better. However, when it came down to it, Jayne was smart enough to keep his distance and his hands to himself. The day he tried anything with the captain's second in command was the day one or the both of them killed him in eleven different ways.

Then there was Inara, who was also a damn fine looking woman and a professional too. That should have made things wonderfully straightforward, but then she'd turned into a big disappointment by making it clear her services weren't available to the ship's crew. Naturally, he'd made a few overtures, dropped a couple hints that if she wanted something recreational, she knew where to find it. She'd never shown any interest though, and he'd quickly realized that for a whore, Inara didn't have the common decency to be easy.

Kaylee wasn't easy either, or if she was, Jayne had never benefited from it. Still, she was available and easy going. When he made remarks she didn't roll her eyes, and he was fairly sure that if he ever touched her, Mal, not Kaylee, would be the one to shoot him in the head. If he thought about her sometimes, or if he favored her above the other women on the ship it was just that she was there and he was realistic.

_Anyway, he's some pale, weak, womanly little man. He might be a good doctor, but that don't mean he's not otherwise useless. _

Why did she have to be interested? Why did she have to smile like that when she talked to him, or light up when the captain told them passengers were going to stay aboard? Jayne had figured her for having better sense than that.

_Besides, bringing in new people is never a good idea if you don't have to. It upsets the order of things. _

That, after all, was the real reason Jayne was so upset. He had been on _Serenity_ first, and then suddenly the self-important bastard, with his fancy talk and his shiny dumb vests had come in like he owned the place. Which he didn't.

It wasn't his place to be so pompous and better than everyone else, just like it wasn't her place to go all warm and soft and eager for someone like that. Whether Kaylee knew it or not, Jayne had put in alot of work on her. Nothing too obvious, but he'd laid a certain foundation for the two of them. So he'd been careful not to say anything too stupid around her, and told her the funniest of the jokes he learned to see her laugh. He made it a point to smile at her when he felt like smiling, and sometimes when real food was scarce at the table, he tried his best to get her the last of the biscuits. All of this was so that one day, when Kaylee finally woke up and realized Jayne was her one choice aboard _Serenity_, she'd realize her one choice wasn't that bad after all.

Which was why it was so gorram _unfair_ that he could just walk in and have her without doing anything, that he could win her without even having wanted her. And while that might be Kaylee's fault more than the doctor's, Jayne supposed, Simon hadn't done anything to push her away either. Someone who acted as if they were all above and better than everyone else should have at least been able to see the injustice in that.

"What kind of 'civilized' person doesn't even understand the concept of dibs?" Jayne grumbled to his empty room.

_It doesn't matter though, because he won't be here long anyway. I can tell about these things. _

It was just too bad that no one else could grasp it, especially not her. But Jayne could see it plain as day: the doctor and his sister were a mountain of trouble, and it wouldn't take long before that mountain came crashing down on their little ship. Beyond that he was arrogant and weak, useless and doubtlessly sly.

Jayne snorted softly and grinned. That was probably why the doctor hadn't shown much interest when Kaylee practically threw herself at him. He didn't even notice her, or if he did, he didn't care. Kaylee could show up naked on his bunk and for all she tried, he'd be imagining the captain. And oh, when that came out, because how could it not? when that came out, there'd be Hell to pay. Mal would feel like an idiot since Jayne, and not him, had been the one to see it coming. The captain would probably apologize for ever taking the two on board, when all they'd done is cause trouble.

And Kaylee, she'd of course feel stupid and shamed, like she should. She'd run to Jayne and beg him to forgive her, and she'd cry and cry and cry in his arms. He'd let her, because she'd been wrong. Finally though, when she felt bad enough for what she'd done, he'd go and he'd kill Simon for her anyway.

_Life on ship is always pretty dangerous. The only way you come out of it is by experience and smarts. Some know-nothing idiot who doesn't even have the sense to stay out of the way is bound to suffer a horrible, hideous kind of death. Sooner rather than later, most likely. _

Jayne read that part aloud once and laughed. It made him feel better, and the best part was that it was absolutely true. He thought about how many times in the last week they'd been shot at, or how they'd almost been taken by Reavers, or caught by Feds. _Serenity_ was always flown half on fuel, half on sheer luck. If there was any justice in the 'Verse, Simon would find that with the Alliance on his tracks, his luck just wouldn't be enough. It wouldn't take much, and it might not even take long, but some day and some day soon Mal would take him off _Serenity_, or fate and blind chance would do it for him.

_If anyone here had forgotten that, they sure got a hell of a reminder by the accident today... _

Not only were there the dangers of the work, or crazy spacemen, or the Government. A person could never completely trust the ship they were on either. So many delicate parts traveling faster than light through the airless dark.

_...this giant fiery explosion heard through the whole ship. _

It didn't take much. A small mistake, maybe a little problem in the central navigation computer.

_Luckily no one was hurt. Except the doctor. _

Sometimes after the disaster had been averted and the panic quieted, a person could look at that whole tangled mess called a ship's systems and never track down what had gone down in the first place. They might guess, but who could really know? There were always so many possibilities on something as big and complex as a spaceship.

_Now, he might live out the night, and he might not. Guess it's too bad he doesn't have a doctor, huh? _

Jayne laughed again.

_But then again, he was new on board so it's not like anyone will really care if he goes. There are other medics out there, it doesn't matter. _

With all the little parts, there would surely be a way to do it that could never be traced back to him at all.

_Mechanic's still trying to sort out what happened. It's hard going, of course, but one thing's for certain..._

Arrogant sly bastard.

_The son of a bitch definitely fell. _

Jayne frowned and looked at the page in his hand. He'd let his mind wander a bit too far, and now he'd said more than he meant to. First there was that old belief about not speaking your birthday wishes out loud. True, he'd written it rather than spoken it, but then again if Mal or someone else chanced to find it while the doctor was still alive and breathing, it didn't bode well for Jayne. If the Feds just happened to find the brother and sister, or some terrible accident just managed to mangle and kill Simon, Jayne was damned if he'd be too dead to enjoy it.

He slid off his bunk and lifted up his mattress to stuff the letter out of site. However, he hesitated for a bare moment before placing it. He hadn't written home in nearly two months. If he hid this now, he knew he wouldn't get around to writing for at least another two months.

He chewed his lip uncertainly. What was a son to do?

Finally, he set down the mattress again, and leaning over the bed, finished off a few quick lines.

_Anyway, aside from the doctor everyone is doing fine. Work here is good and I'm safe. It was good to hear from you again and next time I get a letter, I'll make sure to write you back sooner. _

He read the words off quickly to himself, nodded. Good, very good.

_Your loving son,  
Jayne Cobb _

Satisfied, he lifted the mattress again and this time placed the pad of paper underneath where no one would see it. At least until fate and circumstance, with maybe a bit of help, got around to removing Simon Tam from Jayne's ship. It shouldn't take too long, he figured, and he'd be able to mail his mother before the next post office stop. Life was often hard aboard a small ship, and on _Serenity_ there were two inescapable forces. One of those forces was danger, and the other one was Jayne.


End file.
